Thoughts...

You know, sometimes you wonder how you got to the place you are in life.. not in a bad way, just some things are puzzling.

First-Part of me will always miss you, but things cant always happen the way we want them to, right? Im sorry for my part in the demise of our friendship, and Im grateful for the time we had as friends because it taught me many lessons, about life, friendship, and family. It also brought me the best two things in my life, my husband and son. To you- I hope the rest of your life improves greatly over time. May you never get back to a low place again. We may no longer be friends, but I wish the best for you.

Second- Ive never been so thankful to have such an amazing and supportive partner in my life as I am now. He has brought me through so many hard times and I am eternally grateful for him. He's not perfect but he is making great strides towards being that. Im very grateful that he noticed his irrational behavior and anger problems and has decided to go to counseling (ON HIS OWN!!!!!!!) for his PTSD when he comes home. His willingness to acknowledge when he has faults and the willingness to work through them for me and our son, as well as himself, makes me so proud to be his wife. His incredible strength and unfailing love carries me through every day.

Third- My son is so perfect. I can't imagine life without him. He grows so much every single day. I am so lucky to be his mom and that he is a happy, healthy, 8 month old. There isnt much I can say other than that he is so perfect and handsome. He has taught me a lot.

Fourth- Im starting to come through a (mostly) silent battle with post-partum depression, on top of the depression I already had before. I lost a few friends, one who I didnt really want to lose, because of my inability to pull myself out of it. Im working on it (without meds!!!) and its a struggle every day but I need to be around for my son and my husband. Ive attempted suicide too many times to count and its not healthy. My little boy needs me. That is the thought that runs through my mind every time I get weak. Im also working on my battle with weight loss. Its actually going good so far.

Fifth- My husbands family is the family I never had and I love them so much. His sister is now the godmother of our son and she is also going to be his guardian and reciever of all life insurance should Josh and I both pass at the same time (working on our wills when he comes home). She is like the awesome, supportive, loving sister I never had and Im grateful for her every day. His stepmom and I have grown incredibly close and we text or talk almost every day. I love his family and I wouldnt trade them for the world.

Sixth- Ive met some really awesome friends lately. I have a new friend, Kristy, who is basically my twin. She and I have the same sarcastic, smartass, sense of humor. I love her boys and her like my family. Havent met her hubby yet (deployed) but he seems pretty awesome too. She is freaking awesome. Im realllllllly glad I met her. We are the same level of bitch and it works for us. We're at the point of finishing each other's sentences and telling the same smart ass jokes.

I guess thats it for tonight. I need to hit the sack. Going shopping with Kristy tomorrow and then going to a tree lighting ceremony on post, with pics with Santa!